I can't believe I haven't made a post in nearly a month and a half. Sorry guys.

I guess I should start off my talking about my Halloween, my FIRST Halloween that is. Friday night I dressed up as a cowgirl and we went to a party. It didn't take long for the party to be broken up by the cops though. After that, we ended up walking through town and going to get pizza. It was so cold! And having barely any clothes on didn't exactly help. On Halloween I was a "Candy Corn Witch." My friends and I went to a frat party, which was tons of fun. Towards the end of the party, when only the creepers were left, some guy asked me to dance. I accidentally like slammed my ass into him because he was standing behind me and then when he asked me to dance I just replied, "No." Now, I know that sounds pretty mean of me, but I really can't help it. My automatic first response to any question is "no," and he was a creeper anyway. Oh, and yeah, I don't know how to grind. After the party we just walked around town. I was amazed at how many people were out that night. The lines to get into the bars were ridiculous. So, my first Halloween was a total win.
                                                          
Being here at college it is hard to hide things from my friends. For example, back at home very few people knew that I was raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Here, I had to end up telling my friends, because I see them so often and they keep talking about holidays. Some of them said I could come over their house and celebrate holidays with their family, but I kinda think that would be weird for their family. I really don't like telling people things and miss my privacy to a certain extent.

My friends here talk about guys constantly and it gets on my nerves. It's not like the guys they talk about are even realistic options either. Sometimes I kinda feel like saying, "Why would HE date YOU?" but I wouldn't actually say it. And I don't think my friends realize that talking about guys the way they do just makes them look stupid.

Soon, I'll be home for Thanksgiving break. There are really only four of my friends I really want to see during that time, but I'll probably only end up seeing two of them. I probably won't see the guy I used to be really close to. He is the first person I ever shared personal things with and I miss him so much. I also probably won't see The First Boy I Ever Held Hands With. I really, really want to see him. I've come to the conclusion that I still have feelings for him. I hate to say that but it's true. I'm almost positive that if we hang out things will happen. He was the first boy I ever pictured myself having a relationship with, the first boy I ever held hands with, and the first boy I kissed. I want him to be the first boy I make-out with too. He's said several times before that he'll do whatever I'm comfortable with, which I'm pretty sure he was hinting that he would have sex with me. We've talked about it and I told him that I would never want to be "just another girl." I probably would have sex with him if I knew I just wasn't going to be another name to add to the list.

(This is a short story I wrote for my English class. The assignment was to write a short story that imitated Hemingway's style. I really don't think mine is anything like any of Hemingway's, but oh well. This is a true story, except his name wasn't Rick.)

Rick arrived after she spent fifteen minutes pacing back and forth on the cream-colored rug in her living room. Her mother insisted he come inside. On any other day such a suggestion would have been a complete disaster. Today was different. Today her father had gotten home from work late. He started drinking late and was not completely drunk. She referred to it as “half drunk.” She could tell that her father had been drinking by the change in his facial expression but she knew Rick would never notice. They left after Rick awkwardly met her parents.

They walked up her block and then down to the park. They walked on the path along the pond. It was dark. Rick sat down up against the storage shed under the light. He told her to sit down too. It was cold. She could see her breath in the cool December air and feel the coldness on the concrete through her jeans. She sat up against the wall shivering. He was next to her and knew she was cold.

“Come here.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

Rick did not expect such a response. She had spoken too quickly. She wanted to take those three words back the second they came out of her mouth. She wanted to feel the warmth of his arms around her.

They sat in the cold under the light for a while talking. She wasn’t much of a talker to begin with and the butterflies in her stomach were not helping the situation. There were several periods of silence. Rick tried to get her to talk more. That just made her nervous.

When they got up Rick walked her back to her house.

“We should stop here.”

They were in front of her sister’s 91’ Grand Marquis at the end of her parent’s property. She did not want to go any closer to the house. She was afraid her mother would watch them from the bedroom window. They stood out in the crisp air that filled the street for over sixty minutes.

All night Rick had been hinting that he wanted to hold her hand. All the signs were there. She saw them but she wanted Rick to actually ask. She wanted to hear him utter the words in case she was misreading his signals. He did. They stood leaning on the car for a while as Rick rubbed his thumb in circles over hers.

Rick took out a pack of gum from the pocket of his pants. After putting a piece of the gum in his mouth he asked her if she wanted any. She declined. Fifteen minutes later Rick spit his gum out across the street in front of the vacant house.

“You know what would make this nicer?”

She knew what the answer was. She knew he wanted to kiss her. She wanted him to kiss her. She just wasn’t ready for that yet. She just shyly somewhat smiled and looked away.

“No.”

“I was gonna say, if it was warmer out.”

They both knew that was a lie. No one brought it up again. They pretended nothing ever happened.

Eventually Rick had to go home. He was going to walk home.

“My sister can give you a ride if you need one.”

“Really? Thanks.”

Her sister came outside and drove Rick home. His house was only a couple of blocks away.

“Goodnight Rick.”

“Goodnight.”

Her sister drove back home. It was time to return to reality. Her father was passed out on the couch and her mother was cleaning up the kitchen. She could hardly feel her feet and went to defrost in the shower.