I feel like I haven't made a post in forever. I guess I have just been kinda busy with stuff, which is very rare for me because my life is boring as hell.

Well prom was a couple of weeks ago and it was a lot of fun. Taking pictures with my date was kinda awkward though because we are nothing more than friends and both of us aren't really "touchy" types of people. I danced for the first time at prom. No joke. It was a lot of fun. After prom we just went back to someone's house for a couple of hours. The next day I went to an amusement park with some of my friends. That was also a lot of fun, but it was really hot.

That Saturday I graduated. As we were leaving, my dad and I had an argument in the car. I cried on the way to graduation and several times when I got home. I had a very crappy day. Pictures of me in my cap and gown don't exist because my parents didn't think to take any pictures. I guess it just never occurred to them that they should take pictures of their daughter on the day she graduates from high school. I am upset about this.

The day after graduation I had a party. My party originally was only for family so I decided I would not invite any of my friends, but then my mom decided to invite other people too. By that time it was too late for me to invite any of my friends. My family party went well I guess.

I have been to two graduation parties so far. I always feel so awkward and left out at social gatherings. It sucks. I am happy though that I have a graduation party every weekend in July though because I get to see my friends. Honestly, if I wasn't going to any graduation parties, I probably wouldn't hang out with my friends at all during the summer. I do not have a social life and I honestly don't understand why. Even at work, a lot of people hangout with each other but no one ever invites me to do anything. And I know you're probably thinking that I should take the initiative, but I can't really have people over my house because my dad is drunk by about 5pm every day and I honestly don't even like know how to go about making plans. It is sad.

I don't like summer vacation. I never have. It makes me depressed. I am crying as I type this.

I am a fairly intelligent person. I have been on the Principal's list (95+ GPA) since the 6th grade and am graduating 6th out of a class of over 600 students. I take all Honors, Advanced Placement, and College level courses.

Because of my academic accomplishments, many people think I am going to a prestigious college. I am not. Every time I tell someone where I am going, they respond: "Really? There? Why?" Honestly this is just pissing me off. It upsets me.

Part of the reason why I'm not going to a better school is my fault. It is plain and simple: I should have applied to more schools. Doing so would have increased my chances of receiving a scholarship, making a more prestigious college affordable. But honestly, I had no idea what I was doing when I was applying to colleges. My sister goes to community college, my dad never went to college, my mom went to college for two years, my cousin dropped out of high school, etc. I really had no one to assist me and give me advice about applying to colleges. Yeah, I have a guidance counselor at school and all, but she wasn't much help.

Part of the reason I'm not going to a better school is because I just can't afford it. I am paying for college with my own money. I have a part time job and put every paycheck into the bank, but it is no where near enough. I filled out the FAFSA, but that didn't exactly help much. The FAFSA is based largely on my parents' income and they make  too much money for me to be considered for most aid. I, personally, think this in incredibly unfair. My parents are not paying for my college education, but the amount of aid I am eligible to receive is based on their income. That just doesn't seem right to me.

I was accepted to the University of Delaware. I got into the honors program. I even received a $6,000 scholarship. But after the numbers were punched, including the loans I was given, there was no way I would ever be able to afford it. So now I'm left going to a college in my home state. Yes, it is cheaper, but it is still going to be a struggle. I didn't receive any scholarships from this school. I still have to take out loans. Right now, I have enough money in my bank account to pay for the first year, but doing so will leave very little in my bank account. I honestly do not know how I am going to pay for college next year. I plan to get a part time job near the college, but I know that is not going to be enough.

So why am I going there? Because I can't afford anywhere else.